Ethan's Big Day!

Ethan had a really big week. Or rather, I think , I did. My baby is growing up and there's nothing that I can do to stop it. Again, how long until I'm allowed to have a mid-life crisis?

We began the week with a Kindergartner and a full-set of primary teeth. I'm sure that you can see where I am going with this...

We ended the week with a 1st Grader and a less-than-full set of primary teeth.

Pictures. I'm good with pictures.

Singing "Macarena Math".

Class of 2022!

Shaking hands with the principal, Ms. Newton.

Please excuse the blurry nature of the photos...

someone may or may not have licked my camera lens with frosting saliva.

My hole-y not-so-baby.

In Memoriam:

Baby Tooth P

January 23rd, 2005 - June 6th, 2010

Sympathy Vote

It seems this week was a bad one for true love. First, Jake and Vienna (more on that, later...) and the much anticipated "reunion"that aired after the Bachelorette on Monday and now this. All I've got to say is this: If Jillian and Ed can't make it work, then what hope have any of the rest of us got? Thiers was a love of dreams. Theirs was a love that could only be matched by Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, and Trista and Ryan. My faith in relationships has been shaken, likely beyond repair. If only there was something that could be done.

I feel powerless. Defeated. Heartbroken.

So... a moment of silence for the fallen, if you will.

Welp... moving on.

This episode was wearing for oh, so many reasons. First, it was wrong of her to choose her first one-on-one to be with Roberto. She was mopey and morose for the bulk of the remaining dates, and she "ddin't know what was wrong". I do: She's contractually obligated to go on dates with several men for several more weeks including three overnight "fantasy suite" dates, and she already knows what the end result will be. Oh, to be in love and obligated. Maybe if she and Roberto were to just quick and elope, ABC wouldn't take legal action. This, of course, assuming that they quickly reproduce and let ABC film it all in "The Bachelorette: A documentary".

*Side note: Roberto lost any and all love I had for him when he threw out a top contender for the worst line delivered in the Bachlelorette series, ever. The doosy? It is, of course, the quote of the night. I want to throw up just thinking about it.

Next, we learn that not only is Frank an unemployed "screenwriter", but he also lives with his parents. Wow. I don't know why that doesn't seem to bother Ali. Maybe she forgot his age... or maybe she knows that he's really her "settling soulmate". If, in the end, she runs off into the sunset with Frank, I hope that she enjoys the wonders of a dank basement. Be sure to bring your own toothpaste; your future mother-in-law might not be a bottom-squeezer.

Just when you think that Chris is finally going home, he pulls out a gift. A nice one at that. Chris's family friend, Dennis, owes him a big thank you for promoting his jewelry line. Sales are going to soar! Too bad he won't have an opportunity to design an engagement ring as Chris will leave soon after the elation at the bracelet wears off. Nicely played, Chris.

Ah, Ali. I scream at my television in frustration at you because I, as the post-filming viewer, know that Ty should have gotten another week over Frank. Let's forget for a moment that he should have gone home back in week... uhm... I don't remember. Suffice it to say that as time marches on, I want to stab my thumbs into his beady little eyes.

I never liked Ty, but I didn't dislike him either. Ah, well. Trees must be chopped if you're gonna kindle a fire.

Quote of the Night: "Are we the only ones dancing in the street? I don't care." -Roberto

Now, back to the beginning:

We end the episode with a Reunion of Jake and Vienna. Not that we cared in the first place, but I guess it's time for us all to choose sides. I did not take this responsibility lightly. I have, in my possession, both a "Star" and a "People" magazine. Oh, yeah. I did my homework. After reading both articles and staying up late to watch the lover's quarrel, I am prepared to choose a side. The verdict? My own. I think that they're both nuts and that they need to get as far from Hollywood as fast as their tanned legs can take them. I believe that they had this planned out from the beginning as a way to keep in the spotlight. When Jake proposed, he mentioned that he was choosing her because he felt that they had "... the same priorities...". Though I've suspected it all along, now I know for sure. If Vienna's dramatic crocodile tears were not enough to convice you, then you did not see the same episode that I did. So, a plea to both Jake and Vienna: Go home. We don't want to see you anymore. You expired long before Dancing with the Stars. Soon exasperation will turn into anger. Personally, I am prepared to kick you in the shins should this continue. Please don't make me.

Second verse, same as the first.

A little bit louder, and a little bit worse.

Hopalong is gone. About time, too. He never was a very good actor. Even for a semi-pro wrestler, he was mediocre, at best. Perhaps he and Wes should have a heart-to-heart about ethics and it's role in reality television. Imagine the possibilities! Together, they may be unstoppable.

Moving on.

After the first five minutes...

Ali never seems to tire of men competing for her affection and/or time alone with her. I agree that she needs to make them work for it, but surely there are better things to do in Istanbul than olive-oiling men up and watching them wrestle. Yikes. Bet they smelled pretty tasty, though.

Craig finally won some one-on-one time with Ali, but nothing could save him. I've been predicting it for some time, but I was a little sad to see him go. Physically, certainly not top-shelf but personality score was reasonably high on my charts. What's a girl to do? With a guy as pretty as Roberto looking on? Adios, word wrestler! I pick the latin heartthrob. It just wasn't fair...

What did we re-realize this week?? Ali is only keeping the ones that she's physically attracted to. Shallow, maybe. But who can blame her, really? Did you see the mutants that she started out with? I'm not sure why Frank makes the physical cut, but then again, I still don't see the appeal of Ed.

I can't wait to see what all the hub-bub is about in the teasers. I hope Frank goes home, but I've been fooled before. Maybe he'll annouce that he has to choose between his job and continuing on the journey. Irony. Oh, the irony.

Breaking News?

So, it's not like I totally didn't see this coming 7 months ago, but I find myself surprised/disgusted at what I found in my e-mail inbox this morning.

*Click here to read the story.

The title read something like, "Jake Pavelka, Vienna Girardi to Reunite on The Bachelorette."

What the crap? Reunite? Apparently, I've been living in a cave for about two weeks. Indeed, I announced their inevitable split the moment that she touched his abs, but I find myself shocked for many reasons:

1) She cheated. Not surprising. What is surprising is that HE is surprised that she did. I think that I speak for all of America when I say that he had fair warning.

2) She lasted 7 months before she cheated. Maybe...

3) Jake is ridiculously good and milking fame. From Dancing with the Stars (which apparently started the distance to grow between them as Girardi believed that DWTS should have been her endeavor. Denial is apparently a fantastic motivator. Does she realize that half of America hates her??), to an apparent stint on the Lifetime series, "Drop Dead Diva", and his now imminent appearance in "The Bachelor Pad". I'm actually really hoping that he goes back to piloting, and soon. He's starting to really get on my nerves.

There's more, but I digress. I can't waste more time on them. I have a sour taste in my mouth.

More pleasant news: Ali finally sent... wait... what's his name? Home. Oh, and Kasey and his juvenile tattoo are stuck in Iceland someplace. Kudos to Craig for capitalizing on the hilarious, if not disturbing, nature of it. Two cool points to you.

Prediction: Justin has a girlfriend. Seriously now, who didn't see that coming? He is definitely this season's Wes equivalent. I just want to know how he made it in his walking cast down the stairs featured in the promo.

Rooting for: Roberto, and Kirk.

Not-so-much-rooting-for: Frank (getting really creepy), Craig (Funny... for a lawyer.), and Ty (this season's Ed).

One. Perfect. Day.

No breakfast in bed.

No silly songs.

No over-the-top dinner.

No gifts.

Just cake.

A White-Chocolate Raspberry Torte.

Made from scratch.

Fool Me Once...

... shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll still watch your show.

You've done it again, ABC. I thought for sure that the teasers on television about Kasey meant something a whole lot more sinister than a really dumb, permanent display of obsession. I should know better.

Speaking of...

Ah, Kasey. Watching your date with Ali was nothing short of painful. From the weird-voiced, cheesy-lyric serenades to the vomit-inducing one liners. If you stop trying to sound like Romeo, you just might actually have a shot at being Romeo. Plus, if one questions your sincerity, there's nothing like a bright, shiny new tat to really put things over the top. You owe Frank a big "thank you" for interjecting and stealing Ali before you could parade your body art in front of her. Had you been able to, it may have cost you a rose, and you may have had a restraining order to add to your list of firsts.

A mad shout goes out to both Kirk and Chris L. for taking Ali's best interests to heart. Flowers, soup, and a bed time story are really the best medicine.

Of course, Chris N. stayed. Oh, wait. What's that, you say? You don't know who that is? That's okay. I don't think that Ali does, either...

Thank goodness that Jonathan finally went home. He was a lot more high maintenance than one should expect a man to be, even for a Weatherman.

Jesse's gone. Surprising? Yes. Though not really...

Officially, I want Kirk to win. Really, really. Roberto's gonna take it, thus, cementing my knack for rooting on the wrong one. Oh well. Me likes who me likes. Doesn't Kirk get more pretty as time goes on?

Quote of the Night: "I'm going to protect and guard your heart. He tattooed it on his wrist. Getting a tattoo, that doesn't prove anything except the fact that you're nuts." -Frank

Very Close 2nd Place Quote of the Night: "Kasey didn't, in fact, burn himself. He got a tattoo. He's gotta live with the for the rest of his life. That's not coming off. So you're gonna be the tattooed Bachelorette guy for the rest of your life. That's gonna be probably your nickname." -Chris L.

Ah, hah, hah... just found this whilst downloading pictures from the internet and had to share. It's my privilege, nay, my duty as a loyal Bachelor/Bachelorette fan to make fun of those I deem ridiculous. Without further ado, Kasey's ideal date according to ABC.com:

"Horseback riding on the ocean, followed by lunch on a sailboat, then coming home to a prepared dinner with candlelight."

Wow. That's one talented horse. As long as you're not expecting too much, there, Kasey...

The Dark Horse

Upon further reflection:

Kirk is kind of a stud. I think that Ali thinks so, too. I don't know why I didn't see his boyish good looks and unassuming charm before. And so, he officially replaces Frank in my favorite choosings. Why?

Well...

Frank's desperation is wearing on me. Apparently, he has never seen an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. He misses the very premise of the show. Someone had to have explained to him that he would be one of 25 men dating her... hmm... maybe not.

I think that it's awfully funny that Ali was so up in arms about Jake keeping Vienna around despite the advice of the bachelorettes living with her, and yet, Ali continues to keep Justin around. Good luck. Hmm... what's that they say about karma?

How's about giving Steve a shot? He may have Brillo Pad hair and inept fine motor skills, but the man set up a champagne picnic in the driveway. Now, that's romance.

Well, I think that about sums it up.

Recap:

Favorites: Roberto (Winner), Kirk (Runner Up and by default, The Bachelor: Season 15.), and Jesse ("At least I got a night in the fantasy suite...").

Please go home: Jonathan (weeps like a woman), Kasey ("Help! There's something stuck in my throat!"), and Justin (convenient "manly" weeping).