I feel powerless. Defeated. Heartbroken.
So... a moment of silence for the fallen, if you will.
Welp... moving on.
This episode was wearing for oh, so many reasons. First, it was wrong of her to choose her first one-on-one to be with Roberto. She was mopey and morose for the bulk of the remaining dates, and she "ddin't know what was wrong". I do: She's contractually obligated to go on dates with several men for several more weeks including three overnight "fantasy suite" dates, and she already knows what the end result will be. Oh, to be in love and obligated. Maybe if she and Roberto were to just quick and elope, ABC wouldn't take legal action. This, of course, assuming that they quickly reproduce and let ABC film it all in "The Bachelorette: A documentary".
*Side note: Roberto lost any and all love I had for him when he threw out a top contender for the worst line delivered in the Bachlelorette series, ever. The doosy? It is, of course, the quote of the night. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Next, we learn that not only is Frank an unemployed "screenwriter", but he also lives with his parents. Wow. I don't know why that doesn't seem to bother Ali. Maybe she forgot his age... or maybe she knows that he's really her "settling soulmate". If, in the end, she runs off into the sunset with Frank, I hope that she enjoys the wonders of a dank basement. Be sure to bring your own toothpaste; your future mother-in-law might not be a bottom-squeezer.
Just when you think that Chris is finally going home, he pulls out a gift. A nice one at that. Chris's family friend, Dennis, owes him a big thank you for promoting his jewelry line. Sales are going to soar! Too bad he won't have an opportunity to design an engagement ring as Chris will leave soon after the elation at the bracelet wears off. Nicely played, Chris.
Ah, Ali. I scream at my television in frustration at you because I, as the post-filming viewer, know that Ty should have gotten another week over Frank. Let's forget for a moment that he should have gone home back in week... uhm... I don't remember. Suffice it to say that as time marches on, I want to stab my thumbs into his beady little eyes.
I never liked Ty, but I didn't dislike him either. Ah, well. Trees must be chopped if you're gonna kindle a fire.
Quote of the Night: "Are we the only ones dancing in the street? I don't care." -Roberto
Now, back to the beginning:
We end the episode with a Reunion of Jake and Vienna. Not that we cared in the first place, but I guess it's time for us all to choose sides. I did not take this responsibility lightly. I have, in my possession, both a "Star" and a "People" magazine. Oh, yeah. I did my homework. After reading both articles and staying up late to watch the lover's quarrel, I am prepared to choose a side. The verdict? My own. I think that they're both nuts and that they need to get as far from Hollywood as fast as their tanned legs can take them. I believe that they had this planned out from the beginning as a way to keep in the spotlight. When Jake proposed, he mentioned that he was choosing her because he felt that they had "... the same priorities...". Though I've suspected it all along, now I know for sure. If Vienna's dramatic crocodile tears were not enough to convice you, then you did not see the same episode that I did. So, a plea to both Jake and Vienna: Go home. We don't want to see you anymore. You expired long before Dancing with the Stars. Soon exasperation will turn into anger. Personally, I am prepared to kick you in the shins should this continue. Please don't make me.