Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Episode III: Rise of the awkward.

I find it harder to make fun of men than I do women. Didn’t know this about myself before now. That being said, I will now try as hard as I know how to produce a quality product, even with this newly discovered handicap.

Oh, Tanner P. . Where to begin? I am about to take pity on Jillian’s feet and recommend a good lawyer to handle the restraining order. It was strange, but not super creepy until you mentioned how much you wanted to suck on them. Too far, buddy. Too far. Did you realize that you were on national television and that 6 million viewers now know about your disgusting hobbies in detail?

David. You’re a mean little drunk, aren’t you? Oh, and what’s the deal with your job title? “Trucking Contractor”? What is that?? Josh seems to think that it means that you drive a honeywagon… whatever that is. Oh, that’s what it is. Thank you, Wikipedia.

Juan. There is safety in numbers. Too bad most of the guys hate you.

The prize for tonight goes to break dancer Michael and baseball camp owner, Mike, for a cool head and impressive attitude when asked to play gay cowboys. No prize, however, to Jillian who got around like Smurfette during production.

I would like to take a moment and praise my own, mad skills. I am so good at predictions; it’s scary. For those keeping track, Tanner F. and Brad are no longer with us. No huge surprise… truthfully, I’d have sent Brad—the poster child for awkward—home on night one.

As a side: I am now going to begin a tally counting just how many people are “guarded” with their feelings because of relationships past. Aren’t they all…

*For any wishing to join me in the season, The Bachelorette is on ABC on Monday nights at 8:00 pm or you can view full episodes on abc.com. You know you want to…


  1. You are so much better with the names than me. I did watch though...I felt bad for the poor guy that left because he claimed he had never had is heart broken. Bah...anyway I will probably miss the next TWO weeks. Sad day I know...family vaca and I am guessing my in-laws and my sweet mom won't want to sit and watch with me :)

  2. Okay, so since you apparently aren't returning any of your phone calls (even to your favorite sister named Sami)I will have to resort to talking to you about this via your comments section on your blog. Sad, really...
    Heather and I picked Jake out the first night, we liked Wes (very briefly) and we are as freaked out as you are by Tanner P. If you ever want to talk about this in more detail PICK UP YOUR FRIGGIN PHONE!!!

  3. okay, i don't watch the show, but you make me want to. you crack me up!

  4. I was laughing so hard at your last two posts. Mainly b/c I TOTALLY agree with you! What in the world was Tanner P thinking? I threw up in my mouth a little bit at the look on his face when he saw her feet for the first time. I felt violated myself. And SERIOUSLY? Brian? seriously?? You had to take all your clothes off? Wow, that's ballsy b/c not only is the male body not built for beauty, have you ever heard of shrinkage? Nice one. Or were you just wanting to bale? And yes....He does look like the "Rock" I thought that the second I saw him. I think he has some anger issues. Like if they got married he'd beat her.