Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?

Seemingly, not much. I have to say that I was a little disappointed with last night’s “The Bachelor: The Women Tell All” episode. Instead of spending time on Jason and his army of discarded women, we got to see Trista and Ryan… again. While we did get to see some other Bachelor and Bachelorette season favorites (You can finally sleep well at night: Jesse Csincsak has found himself a woman. Hooray for the bonds that are being a reality show cast-off!) even that wasn’t as informative as I would have liked. But hey, hats off to you, Bachelor crew, you have proven to me that you have “successfully” matched more than just one pair. Perhaps we’ll even get to see the wedding of Charlie O’Connell and Sarah Brice someday…

Here is my run-down on the night:

Molly- We finally know what happened inside that tent. I may be naive, but “1st Base” does not constitute the “Walk of Shame”. I’m not certain, but I think that people reserve that term for sex on the first date. Thanks for letting us all believe that you were just a slut.

Shannon- You’re cute, but having to watch you go in for a kiss with your tongue out, grossed me out more than words can express. It would have been a better turn-on if you had just kept picking your nose.

Natalie- Oh… too… much… to… say. Let me sum up: You are one of those that make all of us blondes look bad. Oh, and you’re stupid.

Renee- How is it that you and your “Vision Boards” escaped public ridicule? Am I the only one who remembers you? Scary.

Megan, Lauren, & Erica- Still glad that you’re gone.

Jillian- I am still in mourning, but I ask myself why, during your exit interview in the car, no one could tell you that your bra was showing. Talk about insult to injury. Oh, and thanks for asking Jason about the kiss. Awkwardness = Fabulousness.

Caesar the Limo Driver- You have mad skills. Congratulations on 7 years of Bachelor service! 

My one shining moment last night was when Chris (spokesman of the ABC executives) innocently asked Jillian if she would be willing to be the next Bachelorette. Hah! I meant to bet someone 50 bucks on that… shoot. At any rate: Stay tuned for my views on "The Bachelorette: Season 5". 

Finally, I confess myself disappointed with ABC’s advertising. Here I am, each week, thinking that we would finally see the “…most dramatic moment in Bachelor history.”. What a clever ruse. I refer, of course, to the return of DeAnna. No worries, it’s not because I actually like DeAnna… I actually hope that Jason is man enough to just pop her one in the nose. Now THAT would be dramatic. I am tired of being teased.


  1. Ahhh, Brooks. You never cease to amaze me with your wittiness. I love it. I've just been catching up on your blog and I'm a little jealous that you can express yourself so eloquently. I had to laugh at the Denny's piece. Yes, they were giving out free Denny's breakfast and they also gave out free Chipotle a few days before that. Although I waited in line with both girls (one of which can't walk so I had to hold her mostly the whole time)for 45 min by myself....I wasn't willing to do it a second time for Denny's so I skipped out on that one. :) Well, I better get going and do my motherly/wife duties before this house starts to get even more out of hand.

  2. Here's the thing... I have a theory. I found the theory on youtube... so honestly, it probably isn't super sound. Let's be honest, the best things on youtube involve scowling children, Harlem Globe trotters and pasta making experts in Asia.

    I'm not sure Bachelor theories are considered prime material anyhow, and to add that said theory was found on youtube... well, you get it.

    However, I believe.

    Having said this, I don't want to ruin the surprise for everyone... so I will email the youtube link to you. I hope this doesn't ruin any surprise elements. Proceed to your email with caution... spoiler alert! spoiler alert!

  3. Hey... have you checked out Jana's blog (Meanest Mom) lately? She needs our votes... so send it out to your readers too, okay? She is in a contest... you've probably already read about it, but I really want her to win... so we HAVE to vote for her so she can be in the magazine or whatever. You introduced me to her blog and my life has never been the same... think you could do a little ad for her? :) I know, I'm a dork... but maybe a small post asking people to vote on your blog would be helpful...? I feel like I'm running for her secretary or something.

    Your most nerdy friend,
    Jana Mae

    P.S. Thanks for putting up with me...