Liar, liar.

Let's stick to the juiciest part of the evening, shall we?

Rozlyn was back tonight. I don't know what she was thinking, coming back onto television after what she did or how she thought that she was going to be able to talk her way out of cold, hard facts without looking as deceitful as she is. No doubt, many a woman had a tale to tell.

Chris Harrison's face as he watched the women come forward with the dirt against Rozlyn was priceless. Positively gleeful! Especially once she tried desperately, if not unsuccessfully, to turn the spotlight from herself and actually accuse him of hitting on her boyfriend's wife in New Zealand. Tsk, tsk, Rozlyn. Perhaps you should have made your exit interview your last appearance on the show.

All said and done, Rozlyn, I weep tonight for your son.

Quote of the Night: "I hope truly, in my heart, that you have learned a life lesson and I hope that you will become a better person from this. I do." -Chris Harrison

Well said, Chris. Well said.

Hooked on Phonics

It's very entertaining, having a Kindergartner who is in the process of learning how to read and write. I find little "love notes" around the house addressed to "Momy", and labels and caution signs on everything. Some of my favorites this week include:

"WinisGRamohER"

Translation: "When is Grandma here?"

This is header of the picture holding his countdown chain to Disneyland.

Grandma is coming a few days before and coming with us! Yeah!

"STop RiTt hear IT IZ SLiPRE"

Translation: "Stop right here, it is slippery."

This I found on his bathroom door after he had helped Daddy with Saturday chores.

Totally didn't cry because my baby is growing up so fast or anything like that...

Grief

Denial-I knew that Tenley wasn't likely to forgo the fantasy suite, but wanted so badly for her to. I realize that would put her "behind" the other girls in the running, but oh, how it would make her and her morals stand out.

Anger- "Vienna just, Vienna's just always herself and I can tell and that puts me at ease." Whoa, I was waaay off. I guess her bleached teeth, hair extensions, spray tan, and breast implants got in the way of my seeing the real, not fake, Vienna. My apologies.

Bargaining- I tried to put myself in Jake's position tonight, just to see if I could see even a smidgen of what he sees in Vienna. Honestly, couldn't really do it. Here's what I came up with: Good birthin' hips? Yep. That's all I got.

Depression- I really was sad to see Gia go. Saw it coming, sure, but was sad all the same. It was made even harder when she took it like such a champ in her last chat with Jake. (See Quote of the Night, below.)

Acceptance- I was surprisingly okay with the phone call from Ali. I am actually happy that Jake didn't pull a "Jillian" and let her come back after choosing work over him. I think that I'm over the whole situation.

Quote of the night: "Don't be sorry. I know that, um, I haven't been the most open. I know that I'm slow-moving at this and opening up. If there was more time maybe it would have been different, but there's not more time and, you know, this is the conclusion. But you came here to find something and you didn't find it in me. I wasn't able to give you what you needed. There's two other great girls here and I totally understand and if they weren't great girls I would sit here and tell you that you made a wrong decision, but I don't think that you did, so, I'm happy for you." - Gia

Fun and Games

How, in a ten-minute time period, can a room go from looking like this:

To this:

They call this game "Christmas Morning".

How very perceptive they are.

The words right out of my mouth.

My sister suggested a spoiler link, and it turns out that this guy does a run-down of the show. Pretty long, but funny. Here's a snippet:

-Now it’s time to meet the man that produced this fine young spectacle of a woman. Vinnie is her dad’s name. Vinnie. I expected nothing less. Vinnie is a cross between Groucho Marx and the late Bruno Kirby, who played Billy Crystal’s best friend in “When Harry Met Sally”. And Vinnie is also is a solid judge of character. He lets Jake know, “I’m a pretty good judge of character, so I got a real good feeling about you.” Oh yes you are Vin Man. Starting with your daughter. You raised quite the little precious princess, didn’t you? And apparently Jake has him fooled as well. I mean, please. I think you could fool Vinnie with the quarter-behind-the-ear trick if you really tried. Jake wouldn’t even have to act or be phony to try and convince the Vinmeister he’s the one for his daughter. The fact that Jake still has all his teeth was probably the first sign to Vinnie that Jake and his daughter should make babies. Which I think they actually started trying to later on in the date. But that was after the back porch dinner.

If you have an hour or two to kill, give it a shot, but buyer beware, it is, in fact, a spoiler.

Reality Steve

The Seasons Collide

Bachelor franchise seasons, that is. Come, let us explore.

1. In the grand tradition of train-wreck hometown dates, Vienna's Dad did not disappoint. Granted he was no dead dove, but his whole Daddy's princess shotgun routine got old before the first preview. (See also Season 13)

2. Pretty sure that the room in which Jake received "the biggest bombshell of all" was the same room that Jillian received her biggest bombshell too. Oh, and the situation was at least similar, except Ed was coming back and Ali was leaving. Hmm. Come to think of it, it's like they planned that... (See also Season 5)

There are more, but I'm tired. Lesson learned, though. It's a small world after all, even in reality T.V.

Quote of the night:

"If, Chris, if I could look in her eyes and tell her, 'You are the girl, I want to marry you right now', it would be a different story but I can't do that. (ABC won't let me.)" -Jake Pavelka

Officially rooting for: Tenley, whose mom looks younger than she does.

So not wanting to see her tramp stamp in St. Lucia: Vienna.

P.S. Was anyone else in love with Ali's dress?! A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!

Bubble Boy

Sloan is a hazard to himself. Perhaps it is a form of middle child syndrome; a way of getting attention that is exclusively his.

The other morning, as I announced that I would be overseeing the dressing of all pajama-clad and/or naked boys in three minutes time, Sloan decided that he was in need of such one-on-one time. He proceeded, in true boy fashion, to take a flying leap over a kitchen chair and my traumatic morning commenced.

I always knew that Sloan would be my first set of stitches, and I was certain that his time had come.

You see, when his face hit the floor on the other side of the chair, he bit his lip. This isn't the first time he's done this. It was, however, the first time he had done this:

Yeah. That's right. The blood on the underside of his bottom lip is the EXIT wound.

After a frantic call (or six) to Daddy and a few rude text messages, I was able to contact Daddy who, after receiving two blurry camera-phone pictures via text, decided that it wasn't serious enough for Urgent Care and/or stitches to be necessary.

Surely, he underestimated the situation. My baby had a HOLE through his lip. I guess I should have seized the moment and put a toilet-paper tube in it to save him time and pain during his angst-ridden youth. Ah, well, I'm sure he'll do it again...

I spent the next 30 minutes pouring over Sloan, deciding whether or not my motherly instincts warranted an overruling.

Of course, while the cat's away, the mice will...

... see that the pantry door is ajar and lay hold upon the only saliva-soluble packaging within reach. (Notice the floor and the used-to-be white jammies. Still working on returning both to their original luster.)

In the end, Sloan refused to go to the doctor and screamed for Daddy all morning. I guess that's reasonable since Daddy isn't the mean one who forced you to eat your weight in popsicles in an effort to combat the swelling of your already large, Gailey-bred, bottom lip.

Sorry Pal, maybe next time you should wait to do something like this until you are on Daddy's watch.

Do you see what I see?

Yeah, that about sums it up.

Oh, and...

I know it's too late but I love you, Corrie. I love you. I respect you.

I relate to you.

So, here's to you. You lovely, lovely, lady.

Quote of the night: "Is it okay to fall?" -Gia

Me Likey: Ali, Gia, and Tenley.

Me No Likey: Fraggle Rock.