Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Congratulations, Jason Mesnick. You’ve really done America proud. You have taken The Bachelor to an all-new low. Now, in light of your new found fame, here are a few items that I suggest you add to your shopping list this week:

-An extra-sturdy athletic cup.

-A hockey helmet.

-Chain mail armor.

-Waterproof Band-Aids


Notice that I didn’t put any items such as, baseball bat or stun gun on the list. For your sake, I think that you’d better just stay away from the offensive route. Everyone knows that you deserve each and every blow brought down upon your head by the purse of a jilted viewer. Take it like a man. Melissa did.

Truly disappointed and appalled, I toyed with the idea of ignoring the entire season finale altogether and posting “Ode to a Q-Tip” (an original poem by yours truly) in protest to the final outcome of the “After the Final Rose” special. When it came down to it, I decided that I am not above being petty. Is anyone else thinking that maybe his first wife had some really good reasons to leave him??

Does anyone else think that Molly got over the “shock” of Jason’s admission pretty quickly? By the end of the first commercial break, she had her hand on his upper thigh. By the end of the second commercial break, they were practically making out. Not only did I lose all respect for Jason, but I lost any that I ever did have for Molly. What kind of woman doesn’t think of her friend, and what watching that was going to do to her? You both disgust me.

But hey, good job squeezing the last of your fifteen minutes of fame out at the very end. Of course you couldn’t break up with her in PRIVATE. ABC is officially, shameless. I guess, at least, they put Melissa in a limo before bringing out Molly, otherwise that could have been awkward.

The good news? Tonight will bring "After the Final Rose: Part Two".  Jillian, I think that you may still have a shot... if you ever wanted it.


  1. It was all over the entertainment news. What a JERK!!!!!! I didn't even see the tv series and I had the "Bachelor" and the skank that quickly made her moves on him while the other was heartbroken.

  2. At least Jillian is the new Bachelorette.
    I'm saddened by Jason. I had such high hopes for him... thought he was a nice guy. Oh well.

  3. (Pre-face to the comment below: I am Josh's classmate and I look forward to reading your witty/amusing/clever commentary and then laughing about it with my roommate. You pretty much give us something to look forward to in the midst of all the tests that we have going on right now -- so thank you)

    Even though the last episode and Jason's behavior was a huge disappointment, I will admit that your commentary and blog about the whole event was NOT. About half way through the episode I told my roomate that I couldn't wait to read what you thought about the whole thing. You are hilarious! AND if I ever do run into Jason, I hope he alredy got your memo about purchasing a cup, because I would definately try to take a cheap shot at him.

    Thanks again for the entertainment, we really do get exciting to read about the humor you find in everyday life :)