Before the After the Final Rose

Jillian--

I reject your reality and substitute my own. 

Ed was the wrong one for anyone the moment he pulled out those green, shorty-short shorts. Let's set aside for a moment the fact that he abandoned you for his work, or even that he looks like a bug. Let's even forget his E.D. and lack of passion. You two are just too different; mark my words, this relationship is over before it has begun.

I don't blame you for sending Kiptyn home. First, the name. I don't know how you get past the name. Second, the eyes. Just thinking of them makes me shiver. I swear, they are red.

I do, however, blame you for sending Reid home. What were you thinking? I guess you really hate perfection, eh? Jake and Reid ought to start a club...

What I don't understand, is the counter on my TiVo. I was perplexed that I was watching Ed and Kiptyn riding in limos to propose to you only 1 hour into the show. I was amazed that there was a solid 15 minutes spent watching you and Reid hug each other. I was proud that they finally gave Chris Harrison a bigger part by way of offering advice to the Bachelorette. Way to go, ABC. I didn't see that coming.

Happy Trails to You

Ethan just informed me that he is running away from home.

I was wondering when it might come to this.

The catalyst? I gave him a collared shirt to wear for the day, not realizing that it makes it impossible to wear a Batman cape. Shame on me. He was up one hour extra last night.

Never again. Bon voyage, Ethan.

Hypothetically Speaking...

Let's say that you're running late to make it to the story-time at the library and so, without thinking, you set a stack of, oh, let's say 15 books on the passenger seat. 

Driving down the street, you stop faster at an intersection  than you should because you are, in fact, running late. The faster-than-should-be stop sends the stack of nearly forgotten books cascading to the floor of your car, where (because you, let's face it, are just not as agile as you once were...) "Sponge Bob: Who's Hungry?" becomes indefinitely wedged.

After fighting tooth and nail to rescue the book from the clutches of the wasteland that is the shadowy depths of your car, you finally make it into the library. It is here that you find out (20 minutes too late...) that the story-telling librarian has moved the location of the reading from the designated "Story-Time Room" to an event room down the hall due to outstanding attendance at that particular library, on that particular day.

I would really hate that.

The Question.

Most frequently asked: What's it like with three?

The answer: Better than originally anticipated.

Oh-You-Nasty-Boy.

Four men. One girl. Three roses. . . and one ugly dress.

I have never been big on boycotts before. --Perhaps it stems from the life-long ban of delicious Twix candy-bars from my childhood home brought about by the ad campaign, "Two for me, none for you". Mom still hates Twix.-- But I ask for your help tonight after having watched tonight's Bachelorette. Please join me in boycotting all things Wes Hayden. Please do not buy his albums and please, whatever you do, do not download his single, "Love Don't Come Easy". 

I appreciate your compliance with this matter.

Die, Wes, die.

First off, since I know y'all have just been absolutely bursting to know my thoughts on the most recent installment of the Bachelorette, I apologize for the tardiness of this post. My TiVo had a brain fart and recorded an old American Idol instead. Since my children do not see the Bachelorette as the priority that I do, my thoughts come to you fresh from ABC.com this fine evening. Well, sort of fresh, I had to fashion a Wes-shaped voodoo doll out of rags and twigs first...

First, I would like to dispel any excuses that Jillian may have given for letting Michael and Jesse go. The REAL reasons are as follows:

To Michael: Jillian Stagliano is a real mouthful. Believe it or not, girls really do doodle their names out to see how it looks. That means, in short, you lose.

To Jesse: You should have kept your brother on a leash or better yet, out of sight...or out of the country. From the first awkward moments at the dinner table, I could smell a disaster.

Now onto the meatier issues at hand...

Wes. You dirty, dirty dog. I think that my love for Jillian is no secret, but all the love in my heart cannot save the Bachelorette from herself. Idiot. Then again, what do I know? "Too perfect" doesn't necessarily mean truthful. At this point, I really hope that Jillian and Wes (having been her final pick) are sequestered at some tropical location, viewing what's left of the season. So looking forward to this "After the Final Rose." I told you so, Jill. Couldn't you hear America screaming?

Ed. Oh, you bug-eyed man. I understand that it's hard to stay for a chance at love and risk the very job that you may have support her with, but choosing said job over said girl should have knocked you out of serious consideration upon departure. Sorry, Michael, looks like your rose is going home tonight with Ed.

In the end, I guess it is true that good guys always finish last... at least in Canada.

Now:

• Rooting for Reid or Kiptyn (never thought I'd say that...).
  
• Boycotting The Wes Hayden Band's debut album.

Things to look forward to:

• Jillian's full reaction when Wes calls Laurel his girlfriend. Hmm... I told you so?
  
• Cashing in on the bet involving Jillian's bedroom problems.
  

Vinyl Sale!

My fabulously talented sister, Sami, has had an Etsy shop for some time now, and recently started a website for her business. Perfectly Spaced does vinyl decor, both stock and custom. It's fantastic, but don't take my word for it... to promote their newborn business, they are offering discounts on their already very competitive prices. If you order soon and enter coupon code: "Grand Opening", you can save 20% on your order! If you happen to live in Texas, you can receive further 10% off to offset sales tax. Not too shabby... 

Go to www.perfectlyspaced.com today and tell them that Brookie sent cha!