Monsoon Season

So that's what a monsoon looks like.

Good to know. I'll alert the authorities.

Sleepiness

Potty-training is tiresome work.

Shut Up!

That's what I shouted when Jake got sent home on The Bachelorette last night. We all saw Tanner leaving from a mile away... even if he couldn't because his view was obstructed by Jillian's feet.

Stupid people bother me. Here's the list of current offenders:

Jillian- Yes, perfection can be wearing. I should know. But no one is really perfect. Take me, for instance, once we got married Josh realized that I am far from perfect; I drive like a grandma, shave my legs sporadically, vacuum even less, swear like a sailor, and am an admitted T.V. junkie. Just give it time, Jillian. You'll find out that he has flaws and they're just as irritating as yours.

Wes- Do you not realize that you are, in fact, talking to cameras? Indeed, statements like, "I'll always have Jillian wrapped around my little finger." and "I got what I wanted; if I get the girl, too, that's great." will have all American women swarming to buy your album. Right...

Tanner- Ugh. Cutting across a woman who is actually talking to you in order to compliment her feet negates the compliment and just becomes irritating and weird. SO glad you're gone.

Thank you to Chris Harrison for trying to give Jillian a heads-up on Wes's ulterior motives just before the rose ceremony. Sadly, your nudge fell onto deaf and infatuated ears.

Heartbreak Tally: 2. Welcome to the ranks, Robby!

As Per Request:

Some pictures requested by my avid readers:

For Sami: Recent pictures of Mason at 4 and 5 weeks. Not too different, at least I think. He's (sort of) smiling now. He's also a seasoned veteran if big brother love.

Mason in his favorite outfit (or rather, Mommy's).

You can tell he was stoked to postpone lunch for a photo shoot.

Mason after his blessing on June 7th, 2009.

He gets bumps on his cheeks when he cries. I call it "Rage Rash".

For Jana: The cake and cupcakes from Ethan's Superhero party, prior to the heat damage mentioned in previous post.

Didn't turn out as well as it looked in my head... then again, what ever does?

My mind is a very pretty place.

The Cupcakes served to the guests.

I didn't think that bringing a knife to the park was a good idea... though I could have borrowed E.R.S.'s plastic dagger.

All the King's Men...

Sloan had an interesting day. Interesting and sad.

It stared off well enough; I had my 6-week at the doctor and so he and Ethan had the opportunity to visit Aunt Ang in the morning. For lunch, I decided that we should go somewhere they could run off any pent-up energy before heading home. Enter: Burger King Playground.

Sloan was such a good boy. He ate all that was requested of him before playing and took off excitedly with his new (lame) Star Trek toy in hand. That’s when it happened. When his feet hit the tile in his stocking feet, his face collided with the floor. A picture is worth a thousand words: here’s four.

King? I think not.

Fat lip...

"My toof, Mom! Hurts, um, mouf!" -Sloan

And what does a traumatized boy need? Stolen brownies, behind Mom's turned back, taste best.

Thanks, Ang, for your soothing abilities. I think that I needed it just as much as he did.  

**Student Doctor Daddy thinks he should be fine. We’re keeping an eye on it, and I’m sure you’ll hear more about it should I have to pin my child down at the Pediodontist.

5 Going On 15...

Ethan graduated Preschool in mid-May. I can't believe my baby is 5. Is it too early for my first mid-life crisis? He's thinking a lot about his future, specifically about the girls that he will and won't marry. He's not a fan of freckles or girls that push. At least he's selective...

I was trying to take a picture, and forgot that I had set the camera to video for the class ABC's. Whoops. So, enjoy anyway.

Congratulations, Ethan!

We're on our way to Kindergarten!

P.S. The graduation cap is still sitting on a shelf in my room. I just can't handle it...

No More Drama?

- Thank goodness we didn’t have to hear Wes’s half-song again this week. I hope he knows that his music career is dead in the water after this; you may get the girl, but you’ll never see the signing end of a record deal. Tough break… after all, they say love don’t come easy.

- Mark: Pizza Entrepreneur? Ah… I see… delivery boy.

- Too perfect? Is there really such a thing? I submit that there is not.

- Kudos, Jillian. Who knows where David’s mouth has been; he’s never been turned down for a kiss. Oh, and David, can one really be so thick?? How is it that you can tie your own shoes? Game on!

- Food for thought: is it better to be truthful or to not be considered a “snitch” by breaking “Man Code”?

- As far as the cocktail party goes… I don’t know how many more “dramatic moments” my heart can handle. Let’s hope she doesn’t call the whole thing off.

- Goodbye Juan and David. Ironic? I think you two should have shared a cab.

- At least Juan was a gentleman to the very end. He’ll make some man very happy one day.

 

Heartbreak Tally: 1

 *Note: “Heartbreak Tally” is my record of the number of men who have stated how hard it is to open up (to someone that they just met 8 days ago) about all the various aspects of their lives; all too afraid to get their hearts broken. Love, they say, don’t come easy…

Oh, what do you do in the summertime?

Why, you crash birthday parties at the park, of course!

Ethan had a marvelous 5^th Birthday, complete with a Superhero-themed bash at the local park. It all started out normal enough… costume-clad guests arriving with gifts in tow, sudden unforcasted wind gusts blowing balloons to dust, and heat damage to a handmade, one-of-a-kind, butter cream Spiderman birthday cake. All was going well until…

Guest “L” informed us that she had to use the potty. No potty available; a slight oversight on my part. Hmmm… I can’t force someone else’s kid to pee in the bushes… ergo, Josh takes L to our house while I keep watch over 8 2-5 year olds, and him…

I have no idea who he is. He showed up moments after the gate swung shut behind Josh. We eventually got a name out of him after he ingested a cupcake and several servings of ice cream, but since this is a public blog, we’ll just call him by the initials he wrote on his own arm with my face paint: E.R.S.. I, being the kind person I am, couldn’t figure out how to tactfully tell him that it was a private, invitation only party, and did the proper thing; waited for Josh to get back to handle it. Handle it, however, he did not.

Thanks to Josh, who was very handy with the camera, we now have the experience properly documented for your viewing pleasure. Without further ado:

Enjoying the refreshments...

Making friends with shy guests...

Redecorating with and releasing Ethan's balloons...

And my personal favorite... practicing artwork on the guests.

Thanks for the help. It was nice to have met you, E.R.S. May there be many more a party to crash.

Episode III: Rise of the awkward.

I find it harder to make fun of men than I do women. Didn’t know this about myself before now. That being said, I will now try as hard as I know how to produce a quality product, even with this newly discovered handicap.

Oh, Tanner P. . Where to begin? I am about to take pity on Jillian’s feet and recommend a good lawyer to handle the restraining order. It was strange, but not super creepy until you mentioned how much you wanted to suck on them. Too far, buddy. Too far. Did you realize that you were on national television and that 6 million viewers now know about your disgusting hobbies in detail?

David. You’re a mean little drunk, aren’t you? Oh, and what’s the deal with your job title? “Trucking Contractor”? What is that?? Josh seems to think that it means that you drive a honeywagon… whatever that is. Oh, that’s what it is. Thank you, Wikipedia.

Juan. There is safety in numbers. Too bad most of the guys hate you.

The prize for tonight goes to break dancer Michael and baseball camp owner, Mike, for a cool head and impressive attitude when asked to play gay cowboys. No prize, however, to Jillian who got around like Smurfette during production.

I would like to take a moment and praise my own, mad skills. I am so good at predictions; it’s scary. For those keeping track, Tanner F. and Brad are no longer with us. No huge surprise… truthfully, I’d have sent Brad—the poster child for awkward—home on night one.

As a side: I am now going to begin a tally counting just how many people are “guarded” with their feelings because of relationships past. Aren’t they all…

*For any wishing to join me in the season, The Bachelorette is on ABC on Monday nights at 8:00 pm or you can view full episodes on abc.com. You know you want to…